After spending so much time perfecting the novel, the indie author must then perfect the most important sales pitch: the blurb. Readers have little clue, if any, as to how difficult and stressful this stage really is. Here’s what your favorite–weary–author secretly wants to write in place of the blurb:
“Something exciting happens in this book. Read it to find out what it is!”
“I have spent the last nine months perfecting 130,845 words and I don’t have the patience to fuss over 75 more words.”
“Just read the book. It’s good, I promise. I’ve read it over 9 times myself so I should know.”
“This is book three of a continuous series. I have purposely crafted books 1 and 2 so that you would be DYING to read this one, so it needs no introduction. And if it DOES need an introduction it’s because you haven’t read the first two books of the series. Don’t be a dolt! Start at the beginning. FYI The first book has a real blurb.”
“This book is as good as the cover makes it look.”
Leave the back blank with the instructions:
“After reading this book, please fill in the section below with your own personal summary of the story.”
And at the bottom of the blank section write:
“It’s not so easy now is it?”
“If you’re one of those people who will read the backs of lotion bottles while sitting in the bathroom, pick up this book. I guarantee it’ll be more exciting and you clearly aren’t the picky sort, so why should you care what the story is about?”
For Romance novels:
“If it looks like the two people on the cover fall in love, it’s because they do. Read the book to find out how and what their names are.”
“I bet you don’t read the labels on your food as much as you read the blurbs for a book. Shouldn’t you be more concerned about what you’re putting in your mouth than what you’re reading?”
“The celebrities that were talked into saying nice things about my book have all agreed that it’s the greatest I’ve ever written. Who cares what it’s about? Trust a celebrity and buy a copy today!”
“You’re one of those who peeks at their Christmas presents, aren’t you? Shame on you!!”
Lol I hope you enjoyed this look inside an author’s brain.
And authors, I’d love to hear from you! Which of these examples are you tempted to put on your next release? I’ll be honest and say that the one about Book 3 of a series not needing an introduction was what my tired little heart wanted to put on my upcoming release. 😉 But don’t worry. I’ll grab myself a cup of tea and write something awesome…eventually.
And please, feel free to add to my list in the comments below!!